Truger’s TechTalk

This is a story about my personal adventures at ICE 2009. There are no exciting links to new information, just some wisdom to share and story to tell that has a happy ending.

This years ICE conference was very different for me. I felt a whole new layer of responsibility, it could have something to do with the fact that I will be the Co-Chair next year. I was looking at ICE from a different angle not just as a committee member which was new for me but from an administrative kind of place too.

I did several things at this years ICE that I have never done before:

1) Pitched in every time I could

2) Presented as a spotlight

3) Had my first ever panic attack and break down

4) Taught Steve Dembo something new

5) Ended the conference on such a high note despite a rocky start

I always have a fabulous time at ICE. I have many friends that are vendors who I only see once a year that I get to spend time with. I also have been going to ICE a very long time and know quite a few people. ICE is always a very social occasion for me as well as a “learning odyssey”. (Coincidentally the theme for ICE 2010)

This year my learning odyssey was more of a personal journey than most. I was a little nervous about my spotlight presentation on UDL and technology as I have never done it before. I also had some very quick tech and equipment changes that had to take place in between sessions. As I was readying myself for my session, my anxiety kind of started to kick in but I assured myself everything would be fine. I was wrong.

The quick tech and equipment change was a disaster. The people who were supposed to be there to help me, through a series of mis-communications, never showed up. I was there by myself trying to set up an interactive whiteboard and moving cords and tables around! I had less than 15 min. I did ok, although I was sweating by this time and noticing how the room was so narrow and confining…the projector settings were all messed up and no one could figure it out. I had to start, time was up for fussing with things. I figured I would just go with it. Things started out ok, there were only about 10 people in the room, which for some reason made me more nervous than when there was a packed room. My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, this is totally not like me at all. I have been presenting for years and have never felt this out of control.

My session started out a little rough but was seeming to get better. Things weren’t smooth, but it was almost over, the easy part was last, the sharing of the tech tools. My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my dry throat (no water of course). I clicked on the link for the internet and NOTHING! I had no connection whatsoever. The entire last 15 min of my session counted on these tools and there was nothing there. I tried about 12 things to try and fix it…I yelled “Red Shirt”(our tech support people) but no one came. I could feel myself losing it. My eyes were watering, I felt like I was going to puke, I couldn’t breathe…I turned to the group and said, “I am going to let you go now, I am sorry I wasted your time”…I then turned my back on my audience and stood in the corner and burst into uncontrollable tears and sobbing. I could not stop for the life of me. One of the worst parts was that my Mom was watching the whole thing. I couldn’t stop thinking about how upset she must be. I reached into my bag and called one of my best friends and asked her to come right away, she did. She cleaned up my session while I hightailed it to my hotel room for long hard cry.

After about an hour, that same friend came to my room. I was ready to go home. I was not going to present ever again, I certainly couldn’t be the co-chair for conference next year. I was never going to leave my hotel room! She basically hugged me for a few minutes and then told me to snap out of it! She said “You are a professional and you are going to get yourself together and walk out of this room into that conference with your head held high!” “You are good and you are going to use this experience to be even better”….Then she left.

I was left with my own thoughts, finally I started to get angry. Angry with myself, angry with people who weren’t there when I needed them, angry with the guy I overheard talking about that crazy chick who broke down during her presentation….anger was much easier to handle.

I had another presentation in 2 hours. It was another I had never given before. I went to speak with my support team. They promised they would be there for me and they were.

My second presentation went wonderfully. It was on Google. The entire room was filled,right on the side was my own tech support team and in the front row were many friendly faces all there to show their support. I was so scared that I would not be able to present again, not with confidence and zeal I always had, but with everyone’s support I not only did presented but according to a few friends, “I rocked it”.One of my highlights of the conference was when Steve Dembo said to me…you taught me a couple of new things! : )

Throughout the conference as people heard what had happened to me, they came up to me to share their own stories and show their support. It was amazing. It became easier to share and I wasn’t embarrassed anymore. I learned that this was just something I had to go through.

The second time I did this preso, I was hoping for smooth sailing but this was not the case. I was working in the bar area before my session and somebody trying to get the better of me and psyche me out before the session starting talking very loudly about “going to that UDL session and hoping that they might learn something before the presenter broke down”. I simply gathered up my computer and moved to a different location, I was not going to let them get to me.

In preparation for my session, the interactive whiteboard was supposed to be move into the ballroom from another location, unfortunately the tool to disassemble the board for it to be moved disappeared. My session was starting in 5 min and there was no way to move the board. I made an executive decision, I walked into the ballroom and invited everyone to follow me to the preso as we were changing location. I held the preso right there on Bourbon Street (kind of strip mall area with cobblestones)! I wasn’t wired for internet and nothing went smoothly in the transition but eventually we made it through and the best part was that I never felt that crushing panic. I knew that I could handle whatever came my way and I did.

I am sharing my story so that others who may have had this happen to them and are ashamed can stop being embarassed. We are all human, some of us more than others. If I learned nothing else, I learned that I can handle whatever life throws at me. This was the most embarassing moment in my professional career, but it also turned out to be one that I am most proud of.

Thanks for reading my story. Feel free to share it with anyone you think it could benefit.

~Anne