Jun 05

So I’ve had my last day at Jardine and cleaned out my office yet I still can’t bring myself to take those boxes to my new classroom at Truesdell. I’ve gone to some trainings for the new program I’ll be teaching, I get along really well with my partner teacher next year and the new curriculum looks really exciting. Yet those boxes are still in my car. I can’t believe how incredibly hard it has been for me to let go of a school where I only worked for one year. I am usually one to embrace change and take charge of a new situation, but I am really struggling this time with moving forward. The students at Jardine are such awesome kids and the staff was so incredibly welcoming that I’m just plain afraid to leave. In a month I’ll be completing two weeks of training for the Project Lead the Way program that I’ll be teaching next year and I really hope that I will have been able to bring myself to get those boxes out of my car. I am certain some of this fear stems from having lost my job last year and then being told that I won’t be returning to Jardine due to restructuring. I have been forced to take a long hard look at how I go about doing business and reflect on my own practices. I really feel that I try my best to do what is best for kids and improving our flawed education system, yet I continue to be moved about in our district. I work in the education system because I believe I truly can make a difference, but I must admit that my fear of the unknown is making me leery of moving forward in my usual “all in” way. I’m afraid that if I jump in with both feet the way I usually do that I will once again be shuffled along, but I know that if I start pulling my punches in order to walk a safer line I will not be able to look at myself in the mirror each day. So here I am, with a car full of moving boxes but unable to take that next step.