Linda Bilak’ Blog

Clay Burell has examined a personally painful time in his teenage years, and has found there is an audience for the stories that we all have hidden. He has asked for us to create a thoughtful meme of our tales.  We have them, many of us, in our past.  They are there still like a scar from falling off your bike when you were ten.  You may not see the scar that was left from this experience-but you may understand me better for the telling.

I was the ’smart one’ in my family. School came very easy to me and I excelled in all subject areas. I loved to read. I consumed books in a day. The libraries both in my elementary school and the public one in town were visited weekly. My library card’s corners were worn soft from constant use and handling. I was not just a bookworm.  I played softball and was a great fielder. I credit my brother for the backyard catch sessions in which he would burn them in to me to see what I could handle. I got good at taking a hard throw and my accuracy to return the ball to him in a snap landed me at shortstop.

My community on Long Island was not very diverse in either its ethnic or religious composition.  The town which was on the shore of the Great South Bay had its socioeconomic dividing line-the Long Island Railroad tracks.  My side of town was very middle class, mostly Italian-Americans.  I wasn’t.

Elementary school was a very nurturing place. I lived a block from my school. We all walked there in the morning and ran home in the afternoon. I remember playing in the schoolyard all summer. I attended Brownies and then Girl Scouts there as well. We would have snowball fights on the piles of snow the plows pushed to the edge of the parking lot. This building was full of people I knew and I felt safe there. My mom was president of the PTA. By the time I was in 6th grade, my final year there- all that changed.

L. was a friend of mine. Her mother had become a Jehovah’s Witness, and so her family converted from Catholicism to follow the doctrines of her new religion. That made her ‘weird’ to the other kids. In our classroom in 6th grade, our male teacher decided to let the cliquey girls decorate a bulletin board. They choose to put pictures from TigerBeat magazine of teenybopper idols on the bulletin board-Leif Garrett, Shaun Cassidy, whoever the teen heartthrob of the moment was. I was somewhat put off by this-since I never read any of that stuff to begin with- and I was appalled in was now in my classroom but I just steered clear of the nonsense. L. was drawn to the bulletin board, or maybe the chance to feel ‘in’ the group. She tried to staple something up and I heard them be really cruel to her.   She said nothing.

 I said “Why don’t you leave her alone?”

It was at that moment the universe shifted and the focus turned on me.  I stood up to them and they were going to make sure I felt their wrath.  It started with the whispering and then the direct looks at me. It spread-the original group of five spread the message to the rest of the girls in the class not to talk to me. Friends of mine since kindergarten shunned me.

Stage one-Isolation was complete. Stage two-social ridicule began next.

Having a male teacher who was oblivious did not help my situation. The girls mocked me and laughed at me openly in class and no one stopped them.  Lunch was bad, gym class was bad, I was never away from THEM. It spilled over to violence only once on the playground-they goaded some other girls to push me around on the playground. I was shoved to the ground and I stayed down knowing if I got up, they would do it again or punch me. There were no adults there to stop it. I never went out for recess again. EVER. I talked to the school librarian and she understood. She allowed me to come and help in the library as the first grade classes came to her, instead of going outside to 6th grade recess HELL.

I began crying all the time at home. I became physically ill from the stress. I tried to stay home from school sick. My mother knew that there was something really wrong in my class- she made phone calls to both the teacher and the principal but really nothing changed. I was the favorite target of abuse.  It was a lonely awful place.

The depth of their meanness was proven when I received a call from my softball coach.

She had just gotten off the phone with someone claiming to be ‘me’. I had a sprained finger from jamming it. Someone had called her pretending to be me.  I had just come from the doctor, and she should take me off the roster- I wouldn’t be able to be on the team any more.  She was suspicious and asked to speak to my mother. When the phone was handed to another obvious non-adult-she knew it was a deception. NO KIDDING. They were trying to ruin everything I did, including softball.  At the next practice, the coach made the entire team run bases. The nasty little ringleader had the nerve to run up alongside me and still threaten me with a glare saying I better not tell anyone it was her.

Softball season was Spring. School finally ended in June. Summer came but no one has ever feared Junior High as much as I did.  After what I had just lived through, my level of anxiety was ratcheted up to the zillionth degree. Thankfully Junior High was EXACTLY what I needed. I was in classes with the other kids that liked to read-the smart kids! Those TigerBeat buying, gum snapping girlgang members weren’t even in my gym class.

I still recall the real physical response I would have if I happened by one of them on the staircase. Honestly, I was free of them and the daily torment that they inflicted on me. I came back strong- and school was once again an exciting experience filled with new things to try.

I heard years later the ringleader had gone away to school for college and had not even lasted one semester.  She had complained to her mother about not having friends….I laughed.

I still take on bullies.  I still stand up for others when I feel they have been wronged. Ask around-my twitter pals will tell you. I am steadfast as a friend. I don’t let others feel isolated or picked on.  I patrol my classroom, my staff lounge and my online network. If I can help others face their tormentors and stand tall. I am there.

The answer to all our prayers!  St. Cyberus is the patron saint of all things internet.

Cyberbullies making your life hell? A quick shoutout to this guy ought to set your world right again.

Thought since we are all busy discussing religion, twitter and NECC merchandise….. a quiet moment of reflection should be observed.

Feel free to add your own intentions here.

I almost wrote “Rooting for the underdog” but then that image would have confused you even more.  This post is in honor of Cinco de Mayo.  The reason why I did not title it that was because I saw there were already two on the DEN site and neither had to do with what the actual date signifies. Let me explain.

I am a Spanish teacher who is also fascinated by history,  science, art and music.  When I embraced Spanish, I took it upon myself to be able to teach more than just the language. (My students have painted murals on my classroom wall, learned how to create mayan hieroglyphs, and listened to rainforest howler monkey calls.) My students have usually heard of Cinco de Mayo-but it is often misinterpreted as “Independence Day”. No, that would be September 15th. 

Here we go, Mexico had defaulted on a debt to Britain, Spain and France. France came to collect from the impoverished nation and took advantage of the situation. The US was no help, since in 1862, we were involved in our own Civil War.(The French were well aware the US was not going to intervene).  French troops had been sent to Veracruz to march inland toward Mexico City. The Battle of Puebla on May 5th, 1862 changed the plan temporarily. Under General Ignacio Zaragosa a small, ill-equiped, ragtag army defeated the powerful French troops. The French had not known military defeat since 1810 and the infamous Battle of Waterloo.  This swelled the patriotism and pride of the Mexicans to defend themselves against such a mighty power.  The humiliated French did counter by sending many more troops. The following year they succeeded in taking over Mexico City and remained until 1867.

So they won the battle, not the war. They took on a bully- and won against the odds. It was a fleeting victory, but it served to inspire them to fight foreign domination.   
   Especially those from imperialist states bent on world conquest . Now you understand the image I chose. Ok, class dismissed.

I was tagged by Diane Cordell to complete this meme.  Only a few days before over at A GeekyMomma’s Blog, she had compiled information from a Twitterpoll about what makes a reader comment. I posted a response and also bemoaned the fact that MY MOST FAVORITE post never got as single comment. Nada, cero, zip, nein. Lee(AKA TeachaKidd/Geekymomma) not only gave me a comment-she linked me to her posting about comments and encouraged others to leave me some thoughts. 

When Diane tagged me for this NPR initiated meme essay, I thought it over for a few days.  Then I realized my “This I believe” was already in existance under another title.

I hope no one thinks it unfair-to reuse a previous writing. It is what I believe. It had poured out of me in a moment of expression without the schooliness of being assigned writing. Clay-I hear you, and say amen!

I am writing this from the Taylor the Teacher Twitter Rehabilitation Clinic.  I am allowed one supervised trip on the Internet a day. My counselor (Kate) is sitting right here (in case I have a moment of weakness).  I checked myself in after my one thousandth tweet.  Just so we have the story straight-I recognized the problem on my own.  I hear McTeachand garageflowers might be heading here too. It would be nice to have some company.

I thought about what my 1000 tweet should be-  to whom would I write(@) it?  No one cared about my first tweet….. is the 1000th really important? Had I really said 1k <140 character pronouncements?  I decided to be more succinct.  I used my milestone tweet to do the routine Spanish Tweet of the Day.  

Many of you have a higher tolerance for massive tweet sessions.  I am obsessive and maniacal.  It is seductive to lurk and see if anyone responds an @me. 

This weekend also increased my followers by some insane amount due to a DEN fiesta in Tennessee. The pressure to produce high quality entertaining twitter action for my new audience also attributed to my self-confinement. I hear next weekend is “Visitors Weekend. “  If anyone sees Diane Cordell-tell her I am jonesin’ and bring her cell. I plan on using it to text a few in…..

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Ironic by Alanis Morisette

It’s like rain on your wedding day It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take Who would’ve thought … it figures

What’s Your 1996 Theme Song?

I actually really like that song. I need music to say something. For the first few years I lived  here in my present locale, I bemoaned the lack of radio choices I left behind in NYC. Music was available (no matter what your mood) to provide you an outlet-to say melodically what was churning internally. I am now listening to a radio station that plays standards-much to the dismay of my 13 year old daughter. I need a variety of music everyday to get me through. My Ipod is a trusted companion-but even on shuffle not as spontaneous as a gem from the past that pops up on the airwaves.  A Frank Sinatra classic never lets me down. They are so smoothly sophisticated. I asked my twitterpals to help me select some music to help me make it to the bitter end of our school year in late June. The following is the list of recommendations I was given:
1)kolson29 Alice Cooper-”School’s out”(yes, you got first dibs!)
2)joebrjr -any Pete Seeger

3) dmcordell The Animals-”We’ve got to get out of this place”(oh so true!)

4)dmcordell The Doors-”Alabama” (I know it well)

5)TeachaKidd-anything by Blue Man Group

6)GingerTPLC Bad Religion “I want to conquer the world”(needed a good anthem!)

7)classroomqueen - a good old Supremes hit!(I am leaning towards “You keep me hangin’ on)

8)MetaWeb20 Monica Naranjo-”Desatame” and Alejandro Fernandez “Como Quien Pierde una estrella”

I found Bebe “Malo” myself.  I am also fond of Queen’s “I want it all”.

Considering Steely Dan’s “My Old School”

Perhaps I should mention the itunes card we are burning came courtesy of Mzinga-I was their 75th follower on twitter. Any more recommendations? Bring it on’. I will need the musical inspiration to keep me going until the bitter end.

I have had to sit through too many of these ‘tween comedies on both Disney Channel(Suite Life of Zach and Cody) and Nickelodeon(icarly) to not comment as a mom and educator. Have you noticed the trend towards parents/adults/educators played as buffoons? The adult characters are ridiculous and the tween protagonist is always the wittiest, brightest, coolest kid in his/her class. Basically every episode is formatted to follow this pattern:

1. Kids get in trouble with an adult
2. Kids do something sneaky to get around the consequence.
3. Kids usually succeed in getting their way/making adult look foolish.
4. Kids sit on couch at the end of episode, smugly reviewing how fun it was.

(based on about three seasons of Drake and Josh that I have seen the same episode about 50 times)

If you aren’t aware of these programs and want to see for yourself,you can click this link and read about Sam, the female sidekick to Carly on Viacom owned Nick’s icarly. It is her list of ways to get detention. I will be exerting my parental right to turn this drival off.

Guess what?  This week I get to chaperone the annual trek to take eighth grade students to college campuses.  It is a recent(three years now) annual event in the Spring to make eighth graders aware of their future educational possibilities.  You may wonder why take 13 year olds to see what a college looks like?  I had to hear the “talk” the first year to understand it myself. The admissions officer from a local Liberal Arts school did an impressive ’scared straight’ impersonation.  Instead of it being a corrections officer decrying the road to criminal ruination, it was an academian telling smarmy middle schoolers the clock starts ticking on them in September of ninth grade.  Every class, every semester counts towards making/breaking your dreams of entering the institution of your choice.  I was gleeful when she went on to say that classes like Foreign Languages can move your application up or down in the pile of acceptances.  My students may even have all solemnly swung sideways glances at me as I did the “yep, told you so!” nod from the back of the room.  Of course! What else makes one high school student’s application different from all the others in a state where graduation requirements mandate almost everything you take?  It is the essence of the liberal arts education to expect to see a broad humanities experience.  Art courses, music study, all make the applicant a candidate with potential.

Yes, there will be the ridiculous questions as we tour the dorms.( Are the bathrooms co-ed? Does the college call your parents? Is the President of the college like the principal of the university?)Thankfully, the weather is not so good to let everyone believe the campus is just one big frisbee tossin’, music blastin’ hangout for one and all.  Let them get a sense of the learning that happens- trust me- they know what FUN looks like.

This came to my attention via Chicago Public Radio’s ‘This American Life“. I have been a fan of the show and its storytelling  for a couple of years. I listen on my pod as I commute the 30 something miles to work in morning traffic.  I have stated my fandom of Ira Glass the host to my twitter pals. (if anyone in Chicago knows him, tell him I said hi!) Episode # 350 called “Human Resources” which was broadcast on 2/29/08 was very disturbing to me.  As soon as I got to school I got on my laptop and went to this website. You must view the trailer for the documentary being produced by Five Boroughs Productions  The Rubber room is the place you go if you are a teacher under  suspension charges in NYC’s public school system.  It is haunting to hear the stories of people who may languish there for months, years. There seems to be no sense of due process.  It is obvious, people lose their sense of dignity as  educators. Within the confines of this purgatory, social norms  break down. It is a shocking indictment of the state of public education in the country’s largest school system. The occupants exhibit behavior more commonly associated with those incarcerated. I have sent the link to colleagues far and wide. It is something that needs to be brought out of its dark hiding place and discussed. How can we make educational reforms when this gulag  threat hangs over the heads of fellow New York State educators?

Another discussion of the same topic is here on Sheryl McCoy’s blog.  Give it a read-then spread the word.

It’s that time of year again. The annual Superintendent’s Conference Day is this Friday. We were given a sneak peak at the agenda for the day at our last faculty meeting.  The highlight of the day involves having a long session to discuss the Building Improvement Plan that has been in place since September ‘07.  Most of the focus of that document is to improve our literacy in the building (which will hence result in higher standardized test scores.)  Then we are going to spend the afternoon reviewing the Code of Conduct.  Really.

There is nothing in that day that is unique because it is 2008. It could have been an agenda from 1998, or 1988. I was there for those dates as well. (*sigh*) Given the opportunity to have a day to do something innovative, the chance passes us by again.

Will Richardson attended the ThirteenCelebration conference and was dismayed at the lack of insight into the educational technology reforms that should be shaping student learning and educator networking.  And that is a conference sponsored by the Public Television Network in NYC.

I will have a powerpoint read to me. I can feel it coming already.